7 months ago, my life felt like a nightmare. P’s Daddy and I separated and I found myself thrust into a world of loneliness, unknown and life just me and my girl. As somebody who has spent three years as a stay at home Mummy, loving every moment of my beautiful little girl. We are used to life being just me and her, that doesn’t mean that it hasn’t been a steep learning curve and one that not many of my close friends can relate to. Doing everything alone is hard, going to birthday parties, christenings where everyone’s Husband’s/Partner’s go can be daunting. Separating has meant we do everything alone and when that is your life day in, day out, it can be one of the toughest things to swallow. In the early days when even a smile was hard to muster, her little face kept me going, even today on bad days it still does.
P is my priority, she always will be. P’s Daddy and I still have a good relationship because who wants their child to grow up in a volatile, stand offish environment. I for one don’t. All in all he’s the Father of our little girl and he’s given me something money can’t buy, a happy, beautiful and utterly fabulous little girl.
Nobody really gives you an insight into what being a single parent is really like, my friends, close family, P’s Daddy’s family have absolutely done their best to ensure that life is made that little bit easier whilst we adapt to such a massive change. There are so many hurdles to overcome, holiday’s, new partners, home environment and the thoughts and feelings of the most important little girl to both of us.
I would give the advice that no matter how hard your life has become, try really hard not to slate your child’s Mummy/Daddy because they will always be a part of your life and for your child remaining amicable is much better.
If you have a problem and don’t agree with the way the other parent is dealing with something, air it. Text/email/call them because otherwise the frustration builds up and makes you really unhappy. Doing this means you are parenting and working from the same page, the majority of the time i’m probably seen as the bad guy because I have P most of the time so discipline and agreeing on it is really important.
When the time comes, meet your ex Partner’s new partner. You might be pleasantly surprised. I have to say this has been one of the best things I have done, it meant that I could put a face to a name and know who P was referring to. The experience was bittersweet but something I knew I needed to do. P really likes her and all I want is for P to be happy, cared for and loved when she is with her Daddy and from what I see she is.
Lastly, surround yourselves with those who care. I have incredible friends whom without I couldn’t have got through it. Don’t bottle it up because that’s not a good environment for your child, be open about how you feel and embrace your new life because you only get one. I am eternally grateful to those who have supported me throughout, my closest friends. You know who you are. My parents and my ex’s family whom know matter what will always remain a very close part of my life.
Becoming a single Mummy hasn’t been an easy experience, i’ve had some really tough days, but I feel like i’m coming out the other side stronger, a better parent and someone who genuinely respects other single parents.